It would be nothing without Megan’s body.
Starring Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons and J.K. Simmons. Directed by Karyn Kusama
Okay. I thought this movie was going to be crap-tacular. It wasn’t. I really wanted to hate this movie. I couldn’t. Then again, the movie wasn’t all that great.
The films begins with a teenage girl named Anita nicknamed “Needy” by her friends. Needy is in a mental hospital where she has been labeled “The Kicker” because she has a habit of not taking her medication and kicking the orderlies an appreciable distance. Upon being sent to solitary confinement, we learn that she wasn’t always like this…
Needy was your average, overlooked high school geek with a boyfriend named Chip (Johnny Simmons). Her best friend since sandbox days has been Jennifer (Fox), the popular, beautiful, attractive, head cheerleader. They live in the small town of Devil’s Kettle so named because of a waterfall that flows into a vortex where whatever goes is never seen or heard from again. Scientists have proved it using small, red GPS balls.
On one particular night Jennifer takes Needy out to Melody Lane, the epitome of small town dive bars, where up-and-coming indie band Low Shoulder are having a show. Jennifer has been a big fan ever since running across their MySpace page (amazingly they’ve never friend requested me) and they plan to “make it big in a Maroon 5 way” (the running gag of the movie). Before their first song is over Melody Lane catches on fire. Needy, Jennifer, and the band make it out alive. Transfixed with the band the lead singer takes Jennifer into his conversion van and bolts down the road.
Needy is upset with the band taking her best friend, more upset when Jennifer shows up covered in blood, and even more upset when Jennifer spews black liquid onto the floor before smiling and leaving. The next day Jennifer seems perfectly fine and happy, disregarding the fact that a bunch of her high school friends were among those trapped and burnt up in the Melody Lane blaze. Out on the football field she seduces the lead football player and takes him into the woods where we see Jennifer for who she is now: a demon possessing the body of Megan Fox (or a high school teenage girl, take yer pick).
Jennifer’s callous attitude strikes Needy as odd, as well as the “psychic” connection she has with Jennifer before a new victim is claimed. Turning to the occult section of the high school library (check your local school for yours, kids) she finds out about “demon transference:” if a sacrifice is not a virgin then she does not die. Instead she becomes possessed by a demon which will feed on human flesh. It can only be killed when the demon is hungry by piercing through its heart.
Jennifer is now Countess Elisabeth Bathory-come-demon from hell. When she’s “full” she’s nice, attractive, and feels great; when she’s hungry she’s grumpy, has blemishes, and feels like crap. During one scene Jennifer shows off her newfound abilities which include ripping into her skin and having it self-repair, explains how the band sacrificed her to make it big like Maroon 5, and passionately kisses Needy. Jennifer then disappears and sets her sights on the upcoming dance/benefit for the families of the victims of the Melody Lane mishap in which Low Shoulder will not only be performing but giving 3% of the proceeds of the sale of their single, “Through the Trees,” to the benefit. Low Shoulder isn’t the only reason Jennifer plans to attend; she wants Needy’s boyfriend Chip.
As I said before I really wanted to dislike this movie. In a sea of retarded 70’s and 80’s horror remakes (“Friday the 13th,” “The Last House on the Left,” “Sorority Row,” and that’s just this year) it’s good to have a horror film that tries to be as original as possible. The problem with this movie wasn’t so much the storyline as it was the direction. The movie starts off with what everyone expected: Diablo Cody’s signature “Juno” pop culture slang and vernacular. Jennifer and Needy speak some of it in the beginning but after the 1/3 mark, it almost ceases to exist. Not that it’s a bad thing because while it worked for “Juno,” the idea feels misplaced in the horror world.
The second problem with this film would be in the question “what kind of movie do you want to be?” It was tense but not scary. It had moments of satire but wasn’t a satire. Only one high school couple had sex and at least one of them lived to the end. Uneven overall would best be describing it. A few laughs, satire that barked instead of bit, and the wonder if it was supposed to be the movie it was trying to be or making fun of that kind of movie. Smarter than your standard slasher but more complacent than your standard studio horror remake.
I’ll let you decide whether this one is worth your time. My best suggestion is to save this as a Halloween Rental along with the Midnite Movie “Countess Dracula.” Megan Fox, Ingrid Pitt, some friends, and alcohol. How can you lose?
Watch for J.K. Simmons as Mr. Wroblewski, a science teacher with a claw hand.
My grade: B-
Chas Andrews' Movie Blog 